When I am driving on the roads at night it is easy to forget where I am. It doesn't feel like I am in Japan anymore--it almost feels like I am somewhere close to home, like in the distance, just beyond the bend in the road, I will find something familiar, something I had long forgotten.

At night I feel the most happy and the most sad at the same time. It is a weird mix that ultimately ends in emptiness. The breeze seems to blow right through me. The lightning in the distance distracts my attention for just a moment, but really, there is nothing to be distracted from. Just miles of endless road.

The mountains are dark and it feels as if I am on a private journey up in the forest. Everything is bleak and muted and gives no hint of whether it cares I am here or not. Shadows blend into more shadows, and the light runs away from them all. As I listen to music I forget where I am for a while.

It is an odd sensation.

Well, it has been a while sense I have written. I at first didn't have much to say, and now I have too much to say. It will be hard to catch up. I have been putting it off for so long, so I am forcing myself now to write... or ramble as it were. It is my favorite kind of writing, rambling. But I am sure it is not very useful to a blog, feelings such as these.

Well I started school. I love it, I really do. Some days it is hard though, when I have nothing to do, and I have to struggle not to fall asleep at my desk. If I can't help it, I wander around a bit, or if it is the time for it, go out and play with the kids. I need to bring my better shoes for going outside though, I am pretty sure all my shoes will end up being ruined in the end.

Tonight there is a bright moon peaking out of the wispy clouds. Today was hot. So hot. This week, Wednesday perhaps, we had the most wonderfully cool day. There was a bit of a breeze blowing and the humidity was so low I barely thought it was humid at all, except in reality it was probably still more humid than it ever was back at home. I wish every day could have been so beautiful. Honestly, it was perfect, and it felt like the beginning of fall feels like at home.

Home. Where is that exactly? I have wanted to escape home for a majority of my life. I hate the clogged land and busy streets. I hate the broiling summers and the fires and the smog. But there are things I miss so much--like the beach, and the wind, and the mountains. (And of course, family and friends.) It is so beautiful here though, I will really miss it when I am gone. The people are so nice and I love my job (so far).

The bugs have mostly died off by now, meaning summer is coming to an end. I only hear cicada's ever so often, when the night used to be filled with their cries. The spiders have mostly gone too, I can actually count how many are left. The rice seems to be turning darker, and the days shorter. I can't wait for fall, but I am sure like everything else, I will miss some aspects of the summer as soon as it is gone.

I am very lonely lately. I don't know why. I mean I have always been lonely in particular, but I have never been keen on actually doing something about it. But it seems now whenever I meet up with friends, I don't want to go home. And it is not because I will become bored, because I have plenty to occupy my time with, but I just don't like going home to an empty apartment. I just realized that I have never lived alone. Even in college I shared a room, and also an apartment. It is just weird. It gets to your head. I love it and despise it at the same time.

I will write more of consequence tomorrow. Why is it when you are the most sad that you are the most creative? Someone once told me that all art comes from an uncomfortable place, or something to that effect. It is true. Sometimes when you are so tired, and you have cried as much as you can, and slept for as long as you can, all that is left is to create. Energy, weather light or dark, can not be trapped forever.

And please, don't worry. I believe myself to be being quite over dramatic. Probably. I am fine, just a little sad. I will blame it on the moon.

Now to finish my cheese cake! Yum!